OVERCOMING LONELINESS 

  Last year I woke up and found that I was falling into depression, always living in my head and  I was the only one in my life.I  had self isolated ,got so focused on working on my goals and  catching up with the life I had missed  while  fighting  intense spiritual warfare. I didn’t  realize that I had forgotten to come up for air.I had forgotten how to speak to people or be in a social setting of any kind. When I was at church, as soon as the service  ended, I would be clutching my bag before we shared grace. My wake up call came one night when I had a throbbing headache and I didn’t know who to call because I felt disconnected from everybody.

This may not be your  story but you may be feeling like you don’t fit in , you are rejected, physically isolated from friends and family or the deep longing for an unmet desire such as waiting for a spouse, a child or even employment has made you feel misunderstood.

God designed us for community because He Himself exists in trinity as the Father,Son and Spirit.Early in Genesis 2:18, during the creation process, God observed that it was not good for  Adam to be alone and so He made Him a companion. Jesus in His ministry on earth created community by calling out 12 disciples and the early church constantly fellowshipped together. 

It is important to remember that the One who watches over us never leaves no forsakes us. Scripture calls Him a very present help in trouble (Psalms 46:1). But, we were not meant to do life alone.

While it may feel like loneliness is something we have to endure, there are effective ways to combat it, embrace your worth and build deeper, meaningful relationships.

1. Acknowledge these feelings and treat yourself as you would a friend.If your friend was lonely, you wouldn’t criticize them. You would offer support and love. Do the same for yourself.

2.Embrace  church community-Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us to not forsake the gathering together with fellow believers.Don’t just go to church, chat with other believers when the service is over.Join a Bible study group or a cell (home) group and  attend church functions and events .I know how scary it is  to be in a cell group, thoughts of ,” people are going to know my stuff” will creep up but here is the thing, everyone in the group has issues too.When I was battling depression after I lost my sister,I wasn’t too sure about going to a cell group.When I finally did,I realized that all of us in the group were suffering and all of us needed each other to get through our difficult moments.When you are too isolated, you may fall into sin and while this may fill a  void temporarily,it will harm you in the future.

3.Seek God’s presence-Psalms 34:18  assures us that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted .God is always with us and when you take time out to pray and seek comfort from scripture, prayer and worship,He will fill up the void in your heart.

3.Serve-Acts 2 :46-47.The early church knew how much they needed each other.Volunteering makes you take the focus off yourself by serving others and this  brings purpose and fulfillment. Plus, you will get to meet people who share the  same likes as you and ultimately build friendships or even find your spouse!

4.Reach out,make plans with friends and family and attach dates  to it.When you say  let’s do “something,”  “sometime” – it never happens. Make solid plans with time stamps on them . It maybe something like “Let’s have a picnic at the park at  10am on Saturday or let’s do  dinner at me at 7pm on Friday..

5.Pause,reflect and practice forgiveness- Rebuild and restore relationships that you might have forsaken-relationships that are  only in the Lord.When Elijah was depressed and suicidal,he had self isolated (1 Kings 19:3) after leaving his servant behind at a crucial moment when Jezebel was after him.If Elijah’s servant was with him,he might have reasoned that Jezebel didn’t really want to kill Elijah because if she did,she would have sent an assassin and not a messenger.

6. Seek professional help – Sometimes loneliness can be  tied to deep seated issues like depression, shame or past trauma. Talking to a therapist will help you unearth the root causes of your loneliness and develop coping strategies tailored to your needs.

7.Be approachable -Once in a while  actually more often,remove those Air pods! People are not going to try and  make conversation with you if seem occupied and uninterested.

8.Sign  up to Meetup groups  and meet with fellow believers or activity partners  who have the same likes and dislikes- people that can help you pursue hobbies , improve your social and life skills while not veering off from the presence of God.

Finally, focus on doing what God has told you to do in this season.Adam was busy and occupied with naming animals  when God brought him Eve for companionship.While you wait  on God to bring you fulfilling relationships or even a spouse, be kind,serve,show hospitality , discover purpose and pray for  relationships.

Remember, you are not alone in your journey.God is with you and there is a purpose in every season of life. May God fill up any void you may be feeling now in Jesus’ name.